My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
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Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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