i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
