Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
