OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
