here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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