Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sober January is a disaster.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize