I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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