remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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