He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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