When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
