My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
