where am i from again
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
