new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
