I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
