I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
