My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
