This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
