never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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