apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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