what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
