i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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