STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
