Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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