When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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