She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
