Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
