the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
