I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
