but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
