I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
