He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
