i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
