WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
