Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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