my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
