Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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