This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
