so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
