I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
