SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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