3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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