the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
