The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
is wine microwaveable?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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