I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
