I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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