Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
