He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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