I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
