My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
