i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Can I color on your dick again?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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