The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think a kid would responsible me up
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
