There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
