I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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