His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
