Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The adults are the big ones right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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