Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my being single is dangerous.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
