Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
