I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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