what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
