i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
