can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize